As the low hanging bluish grey clouds consumed
the sun’s radiance and blanketed its rays,
your darkest thoughts emerged and devoured your
Everything is cyclical, life is chaotic and you feel
like you have no control, so you let the mind
wander for one last time. One last time, like it
has been since the day your heart tripped
and fell into the flowing lava lake.
Invisible tears trickle down your unrefined face
from your rheumy eyes—it is only your heart
that is crying. You yearn for relief, but relief
dangles above piercing rocks at a cliff’s edge,
in the midst of an approaching avalanche.
You recall that time when you first stumbled
upon the one you thought would be the love of
your life and your forever. Now he’s gone,
leaving nothing but footprints in the
sand at the mercy of restless waves.
It kills you, but you’ve been dead since the day
he left you, yet somehow you continue to die.
You wish the curse would be broken, you want
to be free and rise from whatever has been
holding you captive to the grave of your own life
Your smiles go from being few and far apart,
to vanishing completely. A straight face,
starving for life like a river that lies stagnant
in the middle of the Sahara desert, seems to be
your new transformation.
You’ve accepted the heartbreak, you know you
may never love again. You’re clinging to fragments at
this point, and the life you wish you still had.
Will you ever be able to find a replacement?
Someone who will effortlessly make you laugh,
the one that ignites that fire in your soul.
A fire so powerful that just the thought
of its presence turns you into ash.
You want to feel alive again. You want to make
love so passionate, so intense, and so soul
connecting that you forget you’re even human.
Just like the time you saw the eighth wonder of
the world in about thirty minutes.
You’ll never forget the rainy days, a constant reminder
of how he brought you Kadupul flowers, a species
as unique as you are. The flower only blooms for
a few hours at night and you always wonder if
there is a message behind why he gave it to you.
One day, for the first and last time, you watched
the flaming yellow sunshine morph into heavy
metallic grey clouds. The skies wept ceaselessly,
mimicking your tears, which flowed briefly before
being mopped up by your parched face.
But those are just memories, ones you’ve taken
with you ever since that day. You eschew thinking
about it since you can’t grasp why any of this was
happening to you. The perfection you once perceived
was now your death sentence.
You finally understood what your nights of sleeping
on the waterbed filled with your own tears meant.
You fell in love with someone you only knew through
You’ve somehow managed to convince yourself
it’s more than just a dream, and you’ve been
frantically searching for your lover ever since.
© Jenoy Merchant and merchantwritesagain.wordpress.com, 2018